Some may feel Im being petty for bringing this up. But I'll risk the blow to My reputation
because my suggestions here brought Me Peace and May possibly bring another some
peace in the near to distant future and that is the aim! The way I was raised I was always the
teflon Don amongst my siblings lol. So there was an unhealthy expectation for Me to be
strong all the time and never say No, is My story. The worse part being that when I do things
all the time it doesn't matter either way. It's to be expected. Its who Folake is after all. I was
also brought up in a household where my siblings at times made the same offense and/or
mistakes but they were often given a pass while authority held grudges with me for the same
things. It left me so incredibly confused. Until finally three different combative family
dynamics happened within 2 weeks that were completely out of control. I Said NO once
because I was too exhausted to do something until the next day. I said NO to engaging in
conversations with individuals that lack a certain level of maturity. I said NO when the idea
that adults still felt physically fighting was acceptable. I just couldn't take it anymore. It
wasn't that I thought I was perfect after all I have so much to write, blog and talk about. But I
needed to say NO and mean it and here is how I do that.
A. Growing up in a Nigerian household, you can't go wrong with relating every extra
moment with school or work related events. I didn't say all my suggestions would be totally honest and upstanding lol. Everyone has a choice. I just know when I was married. I noticed that the in laws where always available to care for our daughter when my excuses where related to school or work. Usually my reasons revolved around needing the help were to go to more business related events. But at that time, like in most stories, family cannot see the vision in the early stages. It allowed me to say NO to being available for the obligatory yet truly stagnant things everyone else deemed so important but me.
B. I planned my NOs in advance! Just like everything else in life that needs planning. You know your'e family well. So you can predict their behaviors, so much so, Stay Ready and You won't have to get Ready!
C. This is a NO option that must be grown into. Overtime slowly train them to realise and understand you have personal goals that need concentrated focus. This should be done within reason of course. This is not to say you cant balance the helping of family, that is to be expected. But when family is taxing you like in my case, you must put your foot down.
D. Straight Delegate, if possible. It's a family for goodness sake. If you got it this time, I got it next time, sounds like good arrangement to me. Especially if your'e from a family of unity and love and no hateration. This is usually effective. If this is not you case, kind of like me, I would suggest building a family-like network of good people i.e. a support group of friends and associates that know they will help each other in times of need with the goal of community and balance!
That's All I have for now,
Love, Ya gyal FAB.